It’s that time of year again. Lights have been put up. The tree is decorated. Stockings are hung by the chimney. Christmas is in the air. A time that was always the most exciting as a child has become, for me and I am sure the rest of my fellow students, a time of confusion. Some of the most vivid memories I have from my childhood Christmases are going through the store circulars every year around Christmas time, marking down hundreds of toys and other gifts that I wanted. I would have my list ready to go months in advance. These gifts ranged from toy cars, airplanes, sports equipment, bicycles, and so on. My Christmas list this year reads:

• Winter Coat
• Backpack
• Pants
• Apple Watch

Exciting, right?

No feeling can match the excitement of a child waiting for Santa Claus at Christmastime. I remember countless Christmases of staying up late, waiting to hear Santa Claus coming down my chimney, so I could run downstairs and catch him. I would always write him a letter, and leave it with his milk and cookies, and every morning I’d find a bare plate, an empty glass, and a letter addressed to me. Then I would head over to the presents. In my house, Santa never left tags on his gifts, but you could always tell which ones were from him. Not only did they have the Santa themed wrapping paper, but they were also always the largest, most expensive, most desired presents on my list. I can’t lie, Christmas has not been the same since I found out he isn’t real (sorry to anyone who still believes, it’s probably best that you come to terms with reality now rather than later). Luckily, I get to relive the excitement through my younger siblings, and eventually it is something I will share with my children.

Playing in the snow is another Christmastime experience that I miss. After the first heavy snow of the year, my neighbors and I would go to the nearby golf course and sled for hours. I remember having numb hands and feet, walking into my garage covered in snow, and not thawing out for what felt like hours. Eventually we fell out of this routine. The outdoors became replaced with electronics, and before I even realized what was happening, I had used up all my time as a child.

Buying presents is a newfound hassle that I must deal with now that I am older and have my own job and car. Growing up comes with many responsibilities that are significantly worse than buying presents, but for me giving gifts has always been a struggle. I become so concerned that the person receiving the gift will not like it, or it won’t come across as thoughtful enough. As a child, I could draw my parents a picture of stick figures holding hands for Christmas, and the next day it’d be hung on the fridge. Although I know that it is the thought that counts, I still deal with the hardship of coming to terms with the idea of buying/giving someone a present that they will absolutely love, one that is supposed to send the message of how much I care about them.

To say I am not excited about Christmas this year because I won’t be receiving toys from Santa would not be true at all. There are still many things to enjoy about Christmas, particularly the atmosphere. There is no other time when a whole people can be united by an overwhelming sense of togetherness, joy, and generosity. That, to me, is what Christmas is all about.